Want to say thanks to all of you who make me smile, make me laugh. I'm not depressed, not even close to it, but I have felt weighed down a lot lately. My mind likes to think to much, to dwell on things. And even when I know its not even that big of a deal, I can't help it. You want to know something? You guys have seen more of the Night Keepers then anyone in my life. In fact the only ones who do know of it are my mom, and if she even remembers, my friend. I showed it to her once, long ago and all she said was, "Wow you have been busy." Never mentioned it again or said if she liked it, so knowing her, she probably has forgotten.
I don't have a job in rl, though it isnt for lack of me trying. Everything near me is closing or closed practically, the nearest places where I could get work would be 15-30 mins away (in fact last year I was driving 45 mins away to get to my job). It wouldnt be a problem if my mother would let me drive in the winter. She says did you tell them you cant come in if the weather is bad and I'm like umm no, thinking in my head, "Yeah they will hire me if I tell them that." I recently got offered a job for 250 a week and my mom acted all cool with it until I went to an interview with the people (who are friends of ours, they were looking to hire me as a nanny basically, just during the day but longer then babysitting xD). Then she said that comment above and my heart sank. She told them and sure enough they turned me down, listing that as one of the reasons (the other being that we could end up moving which I had already told them I would stay with my grandmother here anyways until that time if that were to become a possibility, giving them plenty of time to find someone else).
It sucks not having a job, especially since I went the whole summer without one since we were looking at moving in June (which we would have if the people selling the house hadnt been so greedy) and then there were a few more that sounded likely so I kept putting it off. When we run into people we know I get the "So what are you doing these days?" question and when I tell them I am helping around the house I just get this look of... disdain? judging? both? Plus my friend (same one I told about the book) has been... bragging for lack of a better word, about this awesome Christmas gift she got for me and it makes me feel horrible cause I can't get her something equally as cool, if it is even something I really will like.
My grandfather had to have surgery this past week, one we didnt even know he would have and if the doctors hadnt caught it when they did he could have been dead in just a matter of weeks. My brother is getting married, and while I do like my sis-in-law to be sometimes she can be annoying/obnoxious. Its like she has to announce everything she is doing/feeling at the moment. So while half of me is excited for my brother the other half is just dreading the fact that she will be at our family gatherings, etc from now on.
Plus I guess its a bit that I am jealous of my brother. My mother wanted to be "fair" so she would make me wait until Zack was old enough to do this or that. It's like I never got to do something first, I had to wait a year longer then him on everything in my life. I was hoping I would be the first one to get married, just because that was the one thing it seemed I could possibly beat him at so to speak, but now there is nothing.
Meh, I feel like such a crybaby complaining about all this, I know there are others worse off then me. Maybe I will delete this in the morning. Right now I am going to go to bed.
Listening to: The Piano Guys